I don't usually arrange sex via text message
id be glad to
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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