Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
