mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
