i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
