Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
