I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
