Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
