why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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