After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
