Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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