i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
