Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize