I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
