ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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