don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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