This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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