Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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