the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
