Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want to be your penis for a week.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
