How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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