It's Friday. Sex?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
