She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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