On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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