is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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