i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
