So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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