I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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