I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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