Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
