He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
