did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
