Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
