You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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