my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
