What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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