I don't usually arrange sex via text message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
