The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
