My hand turned me down
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
