Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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