He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
