think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
