youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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