Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
