I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
