Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
