I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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