Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
