i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
