I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
