My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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