i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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