Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So many bounce houses so little time
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
