I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
