told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
