Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
