Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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