no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
