did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
