$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
