No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
