Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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