I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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