He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
