pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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