yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
