For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
