how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
