I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
