He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
