I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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