Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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