now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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